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From the juiced-box and the movie: Masta Killa – Brooklyn King
Ramblings: Gig-Antics
Final Proof: 2½ Shots
You know how you drink with a weird drunk? He goes off on this rambling story about his daily life which is not surprisingly unsurprising but just when you figure out where he’s going with his monologue he drops an ice cube in your beer. Like he starts talking about how he’s found a black grass bug in every bottle of Blue Moon he’s ever bought. Or how he’s haunted by a little boy wearing a bright red banyan that only comes out when he’s taking a dump. And then he goes back to talking about vegetable shopping or the girl that turned him down at the pay phone near the cigarette machine. You can never really figure him out and that kinda gets up your nose but at the same time it makes him more interesting than anyone else in the bar. Gigantic is like that.
Gigantic was a little over my head, to tell you the truth, but i liked it anyway. The story was pretty cut and dry but there were aspects of it that were so out of joint that they had to be there for a reason. Like metaphors and stuff. i hate it when i can’t figure out metaphor. At least the film was a truly indie film (Paul Dano himself is one of the executive producers) and truly quirky compared to the pseudo-alternative 500 Days of Summer. Not as cute or funny as Juno or Little Miss Sunshine, Gigantic is certainly weirder—closer, in fact, to Donnie Darko. Now, if i could only care enough about the film to want to see it again and figure the weird crap out.
Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)
Sex: 3 Shots
The three shots here are all filled by a brief, distant and too-dark scene of Zooey Deschanel (almost 30) topless in her panties on a diving board. Even without that and her appearance in a black teddy where her cute little moon cheeks wax out the back, Zooey is still fun as hell to look at. She’s got this natural brewed charm that Lowie lights up the screen like a mellow beer buzz and makes her one of life’s simple pleasures to just watch..
Apart from a scene with three guys in a massage parlor carrying on a conversation while getting handjobs with mini Arabian tents pitched over their poles (“Cradle the balls, honey, otherwise we’ll be here all night”), the ‘sex’ in this movie was limited to the cuteness of the actresses and not what they did with it.
For example, there were some all to brief scenes with Leven Rambin (19):
Leven At The Bar None
In the minor role of Happy Lolly’s (Zooey Deschanel) sister, Melanie, we’re treated to Susan Misner (38), who does a good job with the ‘C’ word.
While John Goodman is cool as all get out in his role of Happy’s father, i’m not gonna post any pictures of his speedo getting tsunamied by his tidal belly. Instead, we get a few Paul Dano (25) shots for those of you of the female persuasion who’ve wandered in today.
Drink: 1 Shot 
One tall shot, like the shot glass Happy feeds Brian Weathersby (Dano) vodka shots from.
Here’s the rum down of my notes.
- Wine in a carafe at a fancy French meal
- Bottle of Chateau Margaux at [another] lunch
- Harriet drinks imported beer with a delivery guy named Octavio
- Champagne toast at an adoption shower
Rock & Roll: 0 Shots
There’s some soft, breathy folk songs and the rap that Brian listens to in his headphones in the opening sequence but nothing other than that.
Slurred Speeches
Mr Weathersby: Champagne. Cocktails. Drinks. Encores. Come on, everyone, we must drink up.
Boring Technical Crap
Written by: Matt Aselton and Adam Nagata
Directed by: Matt Aselton
Starring
Zooey Deschanel – Harriet ‘Happy’ Lolly
Susan Misner – Melanie Lolly
Leven Rambin – Missy Thaxton
Paul Dano – Brian Weathersby
John Goodman – Al Lolly
Bottom Line
Not worth seeing in the movies but a good rental choice if you’re intrigued.
The Bar None -- High & Dry 
Zooey!! (I’ll need a moment and some tissues) Hmm? What? Movie? Oh yeah. Querky, I love quirky. It is now on my must watch list.
Ken!!!
Be sure to let me know when you see it. i’m interested to know what you think about it and especially if you can figure the metaphors out.
Al K Hall
PS Try not to get anything on the stall walls, k?
This movie was weird, and very much like you write in your intro paragraph: kudos on yet another one of those right on metaphors, dear! Love it.
So yeah, this movie is like the person getting drunk who is odd and annoying and gets up your nose. I think my mood seeing this movie influenced a lot of why it irritated more than intrigued me: I was just not in a place in my head that allowed me to tolerate the oddities present. Normally, I would like such fare, but the night we saw it, it annoyed me more than anything. It is not an original story line at all: boy meets girl, girl freaks on him and boy loses girl, then boy gets girl back. The only thing that made this film unique were the oddities in it, and they were WAY odd, annoyingly so. I imagined the script writers sitting around with this essentially boring and worn storyline going, “Okay, to make this original, let’s give the main character Asperger’s syndrome and make him obsessed with adopting a Chinese baby. And then let’s throw in a chick who likes to fuck in cars and a father with a back problem. How else can we make this weird?”
It was a bit amateurish, I think. Sometimes I can go for that. Other times not. This was one time I could not stretch enough, even though I wanted to. I mean, the cast was great! I love Zooey and Paul Dano, John Goodman, Ed Asner…
This movie just made me feel weird, though, in the kind of way that makes a person want to take a shower after they have seen it. It had a real funk about it.
i agree with the weird feeling but i have to say i kinda liked it after so much traditional Hollywood fare (à la “Avatar”).
Al K Hall
I really hope that we can stop seeing movies with Zooey in them, too, because *every* damn time I see her in a movie, I want to cut my hair and have bangs again, and I have promised myself I WILL NOT DO THAT until my bangs are past my chin, and even then (which should be in about four to six more months of hair growth) I want to keep my hair that long for at least another six months which means NO HAIR CUTTING for bangs for AT LEAST a year! Zooey’s cute hair just tempts me too much to want cute little bangs, and I know they will NOT look as cute as me as they do on her.
So ENOUGH with the Zooey movies already!! She makes me second guess myself and my hair choices WAY too much!!!
Not only females like Dano.
True!
Thanks for stopping by. Pull up a chair, put your feet on the table and what can i get you to drink?
Thanks, as well, for pointing out my boner. Usually i say something super clever and witty like “For those of you more into Guys than Dolls here are some shots of [insert actor].” This time it was a little more gender specific than i like to be because, after all this is the Bar NONE.
Hope the slip doesn’t stop you from coming as often as you like.
Thanks for patronizing me,
Al K Hall
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