From the juiced-box and Mel Gibson’s heart: Evanescence – Forgive Me
[Press ‘Play’ to hear Amy Lee make the same demands as Mel Gibson, only better]
You know me (and if you don’t there’s a cure for that), i’m all about the RDJr. A talented actor who hit the kind of bottoms that kill most people, he went into recovery and came back shining like a beacon to souls lost at sea, without losing any of the edge that makes him one of the best actors of his generation. A person who can serve as an example in both their personal and professional lives is like a Gucci life saver: priceless and feels good to have around you.
This Guy's Ready For Anything
The short version of this is that if Downey asked me to chew off my own balls with Amy Winehouse’s rotting teeth, i’d ask if he wanted me to start with the right or the left love bulb.
Which makes it very tough and more than a little hypocritical of me to say i won’t forgive Mel Gibson.
Especially hypocritical because in my Al K Hall Anonymous blog i’m all about the compassion: self compassion, compassion for others, a round of compassion on me for everyone all the way around.
Why am i holding out on some compassion for Mel, you so rightly ask?
Is it because he’s displayed anti-Semitic behavior more than once, and my children are Jewish? Is it because he’s beaten his wife, driven drunk, and demonstrated prejudice towards black people? What about threatening to burn down his children’s home while they slept inside it?
No. i, myself, know too well the gut shot burn of shame inflicted by going off half cocked. i have executed far too many wrongs to say someone else isn’t right, committed too many sins to be holier than thou, behaved far too criminally against others to judge anyone.
No. The thing i can’t look past is his future.
i don’t see him taking any steps to ensure these errors don’t happen again. i hit some ugly bottoms myself and i continue to make mistakes in my sobriety, but i’m in recovery and actively working a 12-step program daily. Mel Gibson goes to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings drunk.
What i need to see from Mel Gibson is less contrition and more contribution. More action and less acting.
i’ll honor Robert Downey Jr’s request and forgive Mel Gibson when Mel Gibson starts acting more like Robert Downey Jr.
Until then, i forgive Robert Downey Jr for asking me to forgive Mel Gibson.
From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Wolfmother – New Moon Rising
[Press ‘Play’ for a well over due track]
Ramblings: Dude Date
Final Proof: 3 Shots
You know how you get drunk in a college dorm? The guys are pretty cool and funny but nowhere near intellectual and they crack you the hell up and how often do you laugh out loud so hard the beer comes out your nose? It’s not the kind of night where you’ll be talking about it for years and maybe no one is gonna call it “Epic” or but you may get one or two “Awesomes” from the guys. It’s about as much fun as you can have with 3-2 beer and no chicks without leaving the room, but still, you can have a shitload of fun with 3-2 beer, no chicks and without leaving the room despite the fact the room is decorated in sophomoric soviet bloc party. It’s not the kind of night you get tattoos, jailed or religion the day after it was so intense but if these guys threw another party, you’d pro’lly go for sure. That’s what Due Date was like.
This is the movie that was by the same director who did The Hangover, which i loved and which, if you’ll recall, won the Alkie for Best Alcoholic Motion Picture at last year’s bArCADEMY AwkWARDS. i was looking forward to seeing this for a while especially because it got a lot of publicity here in Yeaman after the big success of Very Bad Trip (which, i kid you not, was the title of The Hangover here). And just like that dependable Pizza Hut guy and his crappy scooter after you’ve started in on your second 6-pack, Due Date delivers. And that pizza is gonna taste really fucking good while you eat it but hell, it’s fast food and the next day you’ll forget about it and want more when, like the booze detective you are, you crack the next case.
Plus it’s got Robert Downey Jr. Just in case you don’t know, i’m a big RD jr fan, both professionally and personally. He’s an extremely talented actor who’s capable of bringing a little of himself into the wide range of roles he plays, which makes his characters more human and less caricatural; and i also admire him on a personal level for being able to tame his demons and get his shit together. i want good things to happen to Robert Downey Jr, ‘s what i’m saying. Oh yeah, he’s also very good as the ‘straight’ guy in this “On the Road to Ruin” movie.
Zach Glakakfiaknakis (or whatever; he should really change his name to Zack Glack) has a good time yukking it up as Ethan Tremblay / Ethan Chase , who isn’t a whole lot different than the guy he played in The Hangover. Which is kinda good because Zach has this role nailed and that means we don’t get screwed.
Like a fart when you’re on the can, Due Date is toilet humor you won’t get anything substantial from, but still will make you feel better.
Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)
Sex: 1 Shot
What a waste. You put all these (OK, 2) really hot girls in an R rated movie and then forget about them. i get this is a “buddy movie” but guess what, buddies like beautiful ladies and are not averse to seeing a little skin. i have lots of Buds and that never stopped me from appreciating gorgeous women.
You know how i know this was rated R (other than seeing the big letter on the movie poster)? ‘Cause of the scene where the buddies have to sleep in the car and Peter (Robert Downey Jr) can’t sleep because of a noise that turns out to be Ethan (Zach Galifianakis) beating off in the front seat. And then Sonny, Ethan’s dog, starts beating off, too. That’s what passes for sex in Due Date.
Unfortunately, there are no similar scenes with Michelle Monaghan (34), who plays Peter Highman’s (Robert Downey Jr) pregnant wife, Sara. i knew about Michelle Monoghan from before because i fell in love with her and her character in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, one of the most underrated movies ever (where, interestingly enough, she shares the screen with Robert Downey Jr). i haven’t seen her in a lot of stuff since then but i’ve missed her so it was bittersweet to see her in Due Date. i was a little bitter because she’s in the movie for all of ten seconds, but it was sweet because she is and because her biggest problem in life is having to go around everywhere apologizing to everyone for being so much more beautiful than they are. Here’s what i’m talking about.
Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size
There’s more Michelle shots down there in my drawers; just scroll down until you hit pay dirty.
And the good news doesn’t stop there because guess who else was in this. Just kidding, you don’t have to guess, it was Juliette Lewis (37). If you remember the Booze Revooze of Whip It then you remember that i think Juliette Lewis is the end all be all of wicked coolness except for Miss D. She only had kind of a cameo in Due Date as Heidi the medicinal pot grower but even with this little bud of a role she was smokin’ hot and talented. Like this.
There was only one silken butterfly (you can check out what that means if you click here and read my AlKHall-hics; A Glossary) but it’s OK because when your silken butterfly is Nathalie Fay. She was already really good as Lisa in The Hangover and this time she rocked as the flight attendant. If you see Nathalie around anywhere, can you ask her to come by the Bar None for an interview?
Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size
For those of you more into Dudes than Dates (and now that the Girls with Prius Envy have been hanging out here kinda regular, i have to make sure they get some eye shots as well) i have, first, the man himself. Robert Downey Jr. (45)
Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size
In an exceptional move, i got some guy shots of him in my drawers. What can i say? i told you i’m building an alter [sick] to him.
There’s also Jamie Foxx (42) who i already talked about being drunk in some past dregs. First off, here’s what he looks like normal.
And then here’s what that looks like in the Bar None.
Drink: 1 shot
Let’s see what we got here. The movie starts out with Ethan (Zack Glack—hey, i’m giving it a shot) by a guy drunk driving him to the airport. The guy hits Peter Highman’s (Robert Downy Jr) car and Peter says that he smelled alcohol on the driver and was he drunk. To which Ethan replies, “We haven’t been drinking. We just shared a 6-pack. Of 40s.”
That’d be it for the booze. Maybe i should go back and knock it down a half shot.
Rock & Roll: 3 shots
i’ll just put this out there right now. i think Todd Phillips (the director), has great taste in music. i loved the soundtrack to The Hangover and Due Date was just as good. There’s a nice mix of classic / modern / rock / hip hop / traditional / TV themes that really suits the movie well. In addition to the Wolfmother i posted up top, there’s this beautiful rendition of Amazing Grace by Rod Stewart.
Here’s the breakdown of the tuneage.
Sam & Dave – Hold On I’m Comin’
Billy Currington – People Are Crazy
Cream – The White Room
Wolfmother – New Moon Rising
Danny McBride- Closing Time
Fleet Foxes – Mykonos
MIMS – This Is Why I’m Hot
Neil Young – Old Man (Live At Massey Hall)
Pink Floyd – Hey You
Cowboy Junkies – Sweet Jane
Band of Horses – Is There A Ghost
Rod Stewart – Amazing Grace
Ice Cube featuring Chuck D – Check Ya Self 2010
Theme from Two And A Half Men
Boring Technical Crap
Written by: Alan R. Cohen, Alan Freedland, Adam Sztykiel, Todd Phillips
Directed by: Todd Phillips
Starring
Robert Downey Jr. – Peter Highman
Zach Galifianakis – Ethan Tremblay / Ethan Chase
Michelle Monaghan – Sarah Highman
Juliette Lewis – Heidi
Nathalie Fay – Flight Attendant
Bottom Line
This movie is a slut: if you’re just looking for a good time with nothing serious, you should definitely hook up.
What a waste. You put all these (OK, 2) really hot girls in an R rated movie and then forget about them. i get this is a “buddy movie” but guess what, buddies like beautiful ladies and are not averse to seeing a little skin. i have lots of Buds and that never stopped me from appreciating gorgeous women.
The Bar None -- High & Dry 