John Galliano: All The Rage

Fashion Is Not Pretty

Here’s a song from the juiced-box to remind John Galliano: David Bowie – Fashion

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[Press ‘Play’ for something always in Fashion]

He’s Named after the John because of His Potty Mouth

There’s this town in Europe called Paris where everybody who’s anybody wants to make a scene or be scene. Fashion Freak John Galliano is no exception so he decided the best way to get noticed was to get drunk at a Café (French for “cafe”) and hurl racial and anti-Semitic slurs at innocent by sitters who were egging him on with their faces.

G-Strung was drunk at a place called Le Perle and started going at a Jewish woman, telling her she had a “dirty Jewish face” and then insulted her her friend by calling him a “fucking Asian bastard”. (In his defense, Galliano did not use any anti-Semitic insults on the Asian guy.) After the couple reported this to the authorities, another person came out with a home movie of Galliano insulting them at the same cafe, back in December 2010.

[If you want to see the vid, you can check out my Facebook page…and why not Friend me while you’re there?]

John Galliano "Mug" Shot

The Best Offense is a Bad Defense

Galliano’s trial for racism, which is apparently against the law in Paris, started on the 22nd of June and during the trial he came out with his self defense strategy: Blame it on the Booze. Instead of manning up—or at least queen-ing up—the grand designer said he could’t remember what he did or said and explained to the court that he had 3 addictions linked to being an overworked genius. 1) Alcohol, 2) valium, 3) sleeping pills.

i’m hoping this defense works because i’d love to see this case set a precedent. “Sorry, your honor, I sat on top of the tower and sniped 50 people because I was drunk. Won’t happen again, Scout’s honor.” They’re gonna call it Pleading Inebriatition. Here it is in a sentence: “Well judge, I know I was arrested for drunk driving and I had a BAC of 90% but you see, I was drunk at the time. So I plead Not Guilty by Reason of Innebriation.”

These are the Bar None’s artist’s hallucinations of Galliano:

Adolph Galliano

The Devil Wears Galliano

Galliano Gets A Tattoo

The Backlash Gets Hotter

"WTF did you just say?"

Nathalie Portman, world famous Jewish person who acts too, saw the video i linked up there and called Galliano out and a whole lot of other things a lot worse. That she’d made a big deal was a big deal because she’s just made a big deal with Dior, the company G draws clothes pictures for. So Dior told G to get the fuck out, which i totally get because Galliano is at worst a racist but at best a flaming prick asshole. An even better reason is that Nathalie Portman stayed with Dior and so could grace our computer screens with images like this.

Galliano Stinks

But who else? The Bar None favorite, Taylor Momsen (shhh, don’t tell Miss Demeanor i’m talking about her again) also hooked up with Galliano in the sense she did some posters to promote his perfume which is called Parlez-Moi d’Aryans  Amour.

Taylor let me down a bit by not coming out against Galliano. Sure, the campaign was a while back and pro’lly no one thought she was intelligent enough to have an opinion, but i think she should of proved everyone stupid by coming out right away and saying something smart. Or at least something cool.

The Little Dictator and Taylor Mum-sen

[AlKHallism: There’s some more shots of hot fashionards in my drawers right down there.]

All of this to make my sobriety more palatable for you, because here’s the…

Immoral of the Story

Man, the view is nice from up here on my pedestal but the height is making me a little sick. Rather than stomach sneezing on all you little people down there, i thought i’d share something from my past to show i’m not as high and mighty as i make myself out to be.

i understand that there’s a chance that Galliano isn’t a racist. He maybe said what he did to shake things up  a bit. Don’t get me wrong, i’m not condoning idiocy (though i often play one at home) or excusing his behavior. Just because he did it for attention doesn’t mean it or he is ok. If your go-to rant for the crowd is based on hatred then you gotta got to a new go-to place.

While i don’t understand where this came from i do understand why this came up. i said some pretty ridiculous shit to stand out from the crowd back in the day and it was usually linked to the drink.

You pro’lly won’t believe this about me, but i have a dry sense of humor that can be caustic at times. No, really. Swear to god. When i’m sober i know where the line is, i walk right up to it and even piss over it sometimes, but i never cross it. When i’m drunk i fall over the line and stumble past it. It’s not that i don’t see the line, i just fucking forget there’s lines at all.

Another thing that’s hard to believe but this time for real, is that i’ve only been thrown out for life from one bar. It’s a Scottish Pub here in Yeaman and i was already totally shitfaced when i arrived. The bar was huge busy and i was single and drunk and there was this cute blonde barmaid tending to the barhounds. Wanting to stand out from the masses, i ordered my drinks and said something unusual.

i don’t remember what it was. This gap in my memory is probably a good thing because whatever i’d said freaked the barmaid out so much that she cried (if memory serves as well as she did) and the owner of the bar told the Irish guy who’d carried me in to take me out and never let me back in. I was banned for life.

Like i already said, i don’t remember what i said that night. So i can see how Galliano could forget his verbal diarrhea but this doesn’t mean his mouth shouldn’t get washed out with soap. i feel so guilty about whatever it was i said, i own up to it and accept responsibility for it. i was a dick and deserve to be beaten.

Alls i can do now is to try and be better sober than i was drunk. Which, thank god, is easy because i really hate doing shit that’s too hard.

What about y’all? Anyone say anything drunk they regretted when they were sober? Say it now in the Comments section and let it go, Barmaids and Beerhounds. Let it go.

Bar None Dregs

Saint Pauly has graced us all with another WTF!? (Watch The Film) movie review. This time it’s of Push. It’s worth a look and is pro’lly funny if you’re a little drunk.

Bar None Drawers

Raging Bullshit

The Mad Hater

Sasha Pivovarova as John Galliano: a role Model

Galliano is so Transparent

Navels are still the New Nipples

John Galliano Being Turned Down at the Bar None

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

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Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of LET ME IN

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: David Bowie – Let’s Dance

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[Press ‘Play’ to put on your red shoes and dance the blues]

Ramblings: I’m In

Final Proof: 4 Shots

You know how you get drunk with a little girl on her 21st birthday? You promise yourself you won’t get drunk and fall in love and do whatever she asks and at the outset she tells you you’re not at all her type so you relax for an evening of drinking with a hot 21-year-old and there are no strings attached or wrapped around her finger, yet. Unfortunately for you she’s kind of dark and creepy because she senses that’s what you like best about her and the mystery is part of her charm because she knows exactly what it takes to bewitch you and she knows where your jugular beats so she enchants you by playing your game, drinking your drinks, saying what she knows you want her to say and the night ages far faster than she does as she sinks into your eyes, deeper with every drink and she lets slip a secret with each sip and each confession is more sinister than the last. She keeps feeding you more and more lines until you’re hooked long before you realize she was playing you but by then it’s too late because she’s caught you like the sucker fish you are and you wind up buying all her drinks, giving her your last cigarette and promising to help her hide a body. The last thing that you learn that night is young girls are vampires that charm you til you’re blind and then they suck you dry. Abby in Let Me In is exactly like that little girl.

i might as well be all up front with y’all and let you know i hesitated pouring a full 4th shot for this ’cause i was tempted to stop at 3½, but what can i say, i’m a tender bartender who’s a little buzzed and there’s a reason people like a drunk barkeep. Plus i’m a big fan of Chloë Grace Moretz who i tagged at the very beginning as someone to watch and she kicked so much ass in Kick Ass that i can afford to cut her a little slack on this one. Besides, i really did enjoy this movie a lot, so it’s not like i’m cheating or anything by rounding up.

One of the main problems i had with this was the beginning. It starts off with a flash forward—and if you haven’t heard me rant about what a poor excuse for story telling that is then you don’t want me to start now because i can go on all night about that shit—but even worse than the flash forward is that it’s an arty flash forward. There’s all kinds of closeups on obscure objects and fuzzy shots of you don’t know the hell what and weird angles and everything so you spend a couple minutes trying to remember if you’re drunk or hungover or what. Then you realize the film was a remake of a Swish (and i am the only one who knows Swiss and Swedish are the same?) movie and based on a Swish book so it’s pro’lly the director getting all foreign on your ass but hell, the people are speaking English so Matt Reeves shoulda made the movie American style.

Not that he screwed everything up and far from it or i wouldn’t have given Let Me In 4 shots. There’s something that distinguishes this particular vampire movie from the rest of the coven of vampire movies flying across the screens. Like the look and feel of Let Me In rocks, because believe you me there’s so much atmosphere in this film you can feel it and it feels authentic. It goes deeper than just your average horror film and concentrates more on that creepy, dark ambiance which really comes across like a puddle of absinthe spilling off the bar and onto your lap. You ever see Ang Lee’s The Ice Storm? There’s a lot more similarity between Let Me In and that movie than any Twi-Harder movie you can come up with.

One of the things that reminded me of a good movie like The Ice Storm was that Let Me In was set in the 80s. God knows why they chose the 80s when they coulda chosen a good decade but there you go. How do you make a movie look authentic? With the music of course. i’ll give you the blow by blow down below in the Rock and Roll section but let me just say two words to you: Culture Club. i know. Then there was some other 80s stuff i’m not smart enough to pay attention to so it’s a good thing i’m engaged to a woman as intellectual as Miss Demeanor who pointed out the haricuts weren’t very 80s because guys back then had hair parted in the middle and feathered and the guys in this movie had Bieber cuts. Still, there were some nice details like Rubik’s Cube, Ms PacMan being just released and the Now & Later candies that i remember so well i can almost taste them. More than that, though, was the overall look of the film felt like 25 years ago. The colors weren’t as bright back then, things weren’t as sharp as they are now and that’s the way they looked here. It was like Reeves made this movie on film he found from that time.

Before we move on, i’d love to get all rebel on your ass and separate myself from the rest of the reviewers by staking my own claim but i’m afraid i gotta tread on the same ground others have already done before me and no doubt tons better. What i’m babbling about is i gotta give a deep bow to the two main actors here who are just crazy talented for any freaking age. Kodi Smit-McPhee (Owen in the movie) is more talented at 14 than most of the actors at 40. And Chloë Grace Moretz…what else can i say about Chloë Grace that i haven’t already? Chloë Grace Moretz is the Meryl Streep of 13-year-olds. Speaking of how old they both aren’t, i gotta card their little butts here. Nothing age inappropriate going on in the Bar None, yo.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

[Press ‘Play’ for what we had to use for rock in the 80s: Blue Öyster Cult – Burnin’ For You]

Sex: 2 Shots

OK, so there wasn’t a whole lot of sex going on here but at least there was a little flash of boob (and what a beautiful breast it was) and i’m so tired of seeing your freaking American movies with costumes that look like they were designed by the Amish.

An exception to this rule is the only woman we really get to see in the flesh, Owen’s neighbor Virginia (played lovely-ly by the charming Sasha Barrese – 29). We get to see her and her significant other sitting on the sofa, her in her robe and her friend slides his hand inside and her breast slips out through the slit.

Here’s the face attached to that lovely vision.

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

There’s a couple shots more of Sasha rattling around in my drawers down below.

You know who else gets to see the boob? Little Owen (Kodi Smit-McPhee) because he’s quite the voyeur. There’s a kind of Rear Window vibe going on in Let Me In as far as Owen is concerned.

Silken Butterflies

Today’s Silken Butterfly is the amazing Cara Buono (39) who did a great job as Owen’s Mother. It was a hard role for her because Matt Reeves (who’s still the director i was talking about up there somewhere) decided to make Owen seem more alone / independent /cut-off by never showing his mother’s face. It’s all that much harder for us, the viewers, when you consider this is what we’re missing out on.

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

There’s more single shot of her in my drawers as well. Just keep strolling down til you find them.

Drink: 2 Shots

You wanna know why i’m being so nice giving Let Me In a couple shots when there wasn’t all that much drinking here? i hope so because i’m gonna tell you anyway. The reason is that the only drinking we get here is Owen’s mom, but she’s drinking in every shot we see her in. Like the first time we see her is at dinner and she’s pouring a glass and then, later in the movie she’s drinking it more and more and then in the last scene she’s in, she’s passed out on the sofa and there’s an empty glass on the table. Nicely done and as the booze plays a big part in defining her character, i’mma give the drink two solid shots.

Rock & Roll: 2 Shots

This was another tricky call that was made all that much easier by the fact that the previous sections had 2 shots so it was easier for me to upload the image. The thing that was hard to peg here as far as the rock went was that the movie was set in the 80s, which was after rock had died and before punk resurrected it. So we had the Bowie, which i like, as well as the BOC and even a little Greg Kihn Band that i’ll serve up right here for you on the juice-box.

The Greg Kihn Band – The Break Up Song

Here’s the other songs they subjected us to:

• David Bowie – Let’s Dance
• The Vapors – Turning Japanese
• Culture Club – Do You Really Want To Hurt Me
• Culture Club – Time (Clock Of The Heart)
• Blue Öyster Cult – Burnin’ For You
• Freur – Doot Doot
• Greg Kihn Band – Breakup Song

Not only was the music not really rock, the horror wasn’t either. Not that this is a bad thing. You don’t need a lot of scare you jumping crap or gross Saw shit to make a movie scary. Let Me In did just fine with the dark and creepy ambiance. Which isn’t rock, though.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by:

John Ajvide Lindqvist – Novel & Screenplay Låt den rätte komma in

Matt Reeves – Screenplay

Directed by:

Matt Reeves

Starring

Chloë Grace Moretz – Abby

Kodi Smit-McPhee – Owen

Cara Buono – Owen’s Mother

Sasha Barrese – Virginia

Richard Jenkins – The Father

Bottom Line

You’ll probably get a big enough kick from this off DVD as you would in the theater just so long as you don’t let yourself get distracted at home. Still, you should try to see this one either way. Moody horror, gotta love it.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Cara Buono (39)

Sasha Barrese (29)

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

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Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of THE RUNAWAYS

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Suzi Quatro – The Wild One

Ramblings: Cheery Bomb

Final Proof: 3 Shots

You know how you get drunk in a bar that’s just installed a classic jukebox? It looks cool and flashy as hell, vintage just like you hoped and you sit close to it with your drink and you’re so happy you have problems sipping without dripping because your grin is so big. You lean back, put your feet up and prepare yourself for a rocking night—until the music starts and it’s the same old song and dance and not even all that classic, just the same boring music you hear on the radio all the time. You end up having a good time anyway because even if the songs are tired covers, the juke looks good as hell. Still, when the evening’s over, you’re not so bummed that you want to stay past closing time. That’s what The Runaways was like.

“Jail-fucking-bait. Jack-fucking-pot.” Kim Fowley’s comment as he puts together the first all female rock band in history pretty much sums up the film. Or at least pretty well sums up what i like about this movie. i mean, you know there’s nothing age inappropriate going on here in the Bar None but The Runaways has 16-year-old Dakota Fanning running around in her underwear and teddys and shit so i’ll make you a deal: i won’t be any more age inappropriate here than the movie was.

Or real life. Because making money is the reason the film made so much of these very young women’s sexuality and their sexuality is what made them big enough to have a movie made about them in the first place. i’m not gonna babble on for paragraphs about how i got to see Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning kiss (but see it i did), i’m just saying there’s a good reason they hired a female director for The Runaways. Let’s just say Floria Sigismondi can make a movie about bi-sexual teens more easily than Roman Polanski could.

So apart from hot teenage girls prancing around, what else was there to this? So glad you asked, pull up that stool and let me pour you a beer. It’s like a lesbian romance (or any romance for that matter, but gimme a break, i’m trying to stay in the groove): the story of how the girls met is the interesting thing. The beginning of any romance is always unique, the end is pretty much the same all over. That’s what it was like with The Runaways.

Seeing how The Runaways formed was fascinating and you could tell from how specific some of the scenes were that they totally happened, like when Kim Fowley (deliciously played by Michael Shannon) gets neighbor kids to throw garbage at the girls while they rehearse in a trailer to teach them how to deal with unruly fans, you just know it really went down like that. Or when Joan (Jett–played by Kristen Stewart) pees on a rival band’s guitars. That kind of shit. Those were the good times.

The problem i had with this was that after they got that out of the way, the movie slips into the same clichés that the real Runaways did with booze and drugs. i’m not saying they shouldn’t have showed it because i know it really happened, i’m just saying the director’s job is to find an interesting way to show it. As it stands, the movie turns into one of those Behind the Music things on VH1, which are cool, but not really what i want to see here (which is basically, let’s be honest, Dakota Fanning and Kristen Stewart kissing).

Now comes the part where i’m gonna look like an idiot and y’all are gonna think i don’t know what i’m talking about because i’m gonna rag on Dakota’s and Kristen’s acting and you’re gonna tell me i’m full of shit and you’re gonna find tons of articles online that talk about how the actresses are transformed and are so amazing and authentic and i lost interest in this sentence long before you did.

Look, all i can tell you is what i saw. Kristen Stewart does a better job here than in Twilight which is kinda like saying sipping whiskey is better than opening a shaken can of Pabst directly up your nose. Still, is saying that she’s done a lot worse really the same as doing a good job? She can look tough but she can’t act tough, is where i’m going with this. i’m sure Joan Jett was a nervous, skittish little teen underneath her tough leather exterior but i think Kristen felt more at ease playing Joan’s soft sensitive side than riding the hard edge. And even Miss Demeanor said that Dakota Fanning was a little flat (and she wasn’t talking about the tube top scene).

Speaking of… Before we kick this up a notch, i got to card two youngins. First off there was the charming Hannah Marks who plays Tammy, Joan’s friend (who also kisses her) at the beginning of the movie. As she’s only 17, i can’t let her be seen in the same section as the sex. Here then, is the talented and young Hannah Marks:

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

Plus, as i’ve already mentioned, Dakota Fanning is only 16 and thus must hang out here with Hannah.

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Before we jump in, you’re gonna want to hear this scoop. David Bowie’s “Lady Grinning Soul” was in the movie but didn’t make the cut for the soundtrack (the people who decide these things decided “Rebel Rebel” was a surer bet). Not only does Dakota Fanning do a great job of miming it in the movie, it provides a wonderful backdrop to scroll through the next section by.

[Press ‘Play’ to be serenaded 70s style]

Sex: 4 Shots

Yeah, put your dander down right there, buddy. There were a lot of girls in The Runaways that were over 18. And it’s like i keep telling you, the original band The Runaways used sex to sell and this movie used that same argument so what am i supposed to do, pretend there was no sexuality in the movie? ‘Cause there was and if you expect me to take the moral high ground in this debate you are drinking in the wrong fucking bar, brother and barmaid.

The Runaways

Cherie Currie (lead singer) / Dakota Fanning

Joan Jett (rhythm guitar) / Kristen Stewart (20), looking better than she acted, if you want the low down, down low. ‘Course that’s not surprising when you think about how good she looks. Here’s the collage to prove it and there’s some single shots of her hanging out in my drawers.

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

Lita Ford (lead guitar) / Scout Taylor-Compton (21) was sadly understated in the movie. The actress is very talented and charming and i have a hard time believing that The Runaways went their whole career only using Lita’s name twice. OK, so Lita refused to give her life story rights to the producers, but is that a reason to neglect mentioning in the “where are they now” end credits that Lita Ford scored a respectable solo career and even did a cool 80’s metal ballad duet with Ozzy. Whatever, i still say Scout shoulda got lots more screen time. Shit, i’ll give her some right here.

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

Plus, even if Lita wouldn’t give her life rights to the movie people, she did agree to meet with Scout and, after an emotional meeting, Lita said that even if the movie sucked, that Scout would do Ford justice.

Single shots in my drawers. Just scroll all the way down if you don’t believe me.

Sandy West (drummer) / Stella Maeve was, along with Joan Jett, co-founder of The Runaways. It’s a shame the film didn’t do her more justice as one of the motors for the bad. At least Stella was able to inject the role with the energy West was famous for, even if the director didn’t see fit to share it with us. At least not like i do, but then you know me and i’m all about the sharing.

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

Robin (bassist) / Alia Shawkat (21) didn’t exist. The Runaways went through bassists like Spinal Tap went through drummers and if you don’t get that reference you shouldn’t be reading this blog. Nah, just joshin. Anyway, Robin is a composite of all the different bassists, especially Jackie Fox who also refused to give up her life rights in this thing because she’s a big fancy lawyer now. Yes, it is exactly that sad.  In other news, Shawkat is a kickass name. Here’s a composite of Alia, who is everything but sad.

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

The Runaways was based on the book Neon Angel, written by Cherie Currie (Dakota Fanning’s character in the film). Because of this, we get a lot of Cherie’s personal life but none of the other girls. The good news is that Lisa Marie Presley’s daughter, Riley Keough (21), is in this movie as Cherie’s sister, Marie.

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

There’ll be drawer shots of her as well.

Finally, coming in as Mrs Currie we got us some Tatum O’Neal (46). Little known fact, “Tatum” is a Latin word and is singular. One Tatum, Two Tata. Here then, are both Tatum’s tata.

Here’s the rest of the blow-by-blow job i did:

• KS’s [Kristen Stewart] friend kisses her [at the beginning of the movie]
• DF [Dakota Fanning] doing Bowie’s “Lady Grinning Soul” is sex
• KS [sitting on toilet] gives masturbation lesson to a bandmate in the shower who has a hard time getting there until KS tells her to think of Farrah Fawcett
• DF quickie [fully clothed] standing up in bathroom with roadie
• KS and DF share cigarette smoke and then kiss
• Very insinuated sex scene to “I Wanna Be Your Dog”
• DF in hot pants and vest shoot for Jap[anese] mag
• DF singing in teddy lingerie says “cock”
• A little inside blouse of KS during landing in Japan

Drink: 3½ Shots

Here’s a good idea: a squirt gun filled with vodka poolside at some cheap motel like Joan/Kristen had.

There was quite a bit of drinking in The Runaways, which isn’t really all that surprising when you consider the movie was made about a rock group in the 70s. Still, it was nice to see and alcohol even played kind of a strong role in this because Cherie’s dad was a face to the floor drinker. For example, there’s this one scene where the dad drives home drunk and passes out in the car in the driveway and when Cherie opens the door to check on him he spills out of the seat on onto the driveway right in front of her friends.

Also, at the very beginning, the girls were at somebody’s house drinking a “Dirty Sink”. Now, before i go any further into this i just want to take a step back and appreciate the kind of society we live in where they can make a movie about teenage girls drinking when their parents are out (as long as it’s not my daughter). A Dirty Sink, then, is a mix of every bottle of booze from your parents’ liquor cabinet—in quantities so small they won’t notice—all poured in the same glass.

Another thing i’ll chew on your ear about was the trip to Japan. Seems The Runaways were big in Japan (even before Tom Waits made it cool) and so they went there for a live TV show. At some fancy dinner they drank a sake toast to the first TV broadcast that would be seen by over a million people and Cherie/Dakota (i think) says she wants a beer.

Here’s the booze dregs:

• The girls drink directly from the bottle behind the Hollywood sign at night
• Booze at house party
• Kristen and Dakota smoke throughout the movie

Rock & Roll: 4 Shots

First off, this was a fuckin’ movie about rock and roll and even better, The Runaways was a decent band. If you check out the soundtrack i’mma post you’ll see that not just are there some cool Runaway tunes, but also a nice selection of other artists from that era (mid 70s, for those of you who are drunk in the clouds).

To get you in the mood, here’s Dakota Fanning singing “Cherry Bomb” from the juiced-box and the soundtrack.

[Press ‘Play’ for the a song that’s…wait for it…the Bomb and then compare it to the original here.]

The Runaways (original version) – 1978

Before i go to the soundtrack, though, i’d just like to point out that Don Mclean’s “Vincent (Starry Night)” plays a prominent role in the film, even if it didn’t make the soundtrack. Another side note is that, though i can’t find it credited anywheres, whoever did the incidental guitar music for The Runaways did an excellent job. Very tasty solos.

Here’s the soundtrack:

1. “Roxy Roller” by Nick Gilder
2. “The Wild One” by Suzi Quatro
3. “It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World” by MC5
4. “Rebel Rebel” by David Bowie
5. “Cherry Bomb” by Dakota Fanning
6. “Hollywood” by The Runaways
7. “California Paradise” by Dakota Fanning
8. “You Drive Me Wild” by The Runaways
9. “Queens of Noise” by Dakota Fanning and Kristen Stewart
10. “Dead End Justice” by Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning
11. “I Wanna Be Your Dog” by The Stooges
12. “I Wanna Be Where the Boys Are (Live)” by The Runaways
13. “Pretty Vacant” by Sex Pistols
14. “Don’t Abuse Me” by Joan Jett

i’ll also raise a drink to Dakota and Kristen, who did a decent job of performing in the film and the OST.

Speaking of the rock, i just gotta show you this quote from the script.

KIM FOWLEY (explodes) Dog shit! Urine-stained dogshit! Rock n’ roll is a blood sport, a sport of men. It’s for the people in the dark, the death cats, the masturbators, the outcasts who have no voice, no way of saying “I hate this world, my father’s a faggot, fuck you, fuck authority — I want an orgasm!”

Boring Technical Crap

Written by:

Cherie Currie (book)

Floria Sigismondi (screenplay)

Directed by: Floria Sigismondi

Starring

Kristen Stewart – Joan Jett

Dakota Fanning – Cherie Currie

Stella Maeve – Sandy West

Scout Taylor-Compton – Lita Ford

Alia Shawkat – Robin

Riley Keough – Marie Currie

Tatum O’Neal – Cherie’s Mom

Hannah Marks – Tammy

Michael Shannon – Kim Fowley

Bottom Line

It’s probably better to get this on DVD so you can pause it where ever you want and plus i bet there’s a lot junk they put on it that would be pretty damn interesting.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Kristen Stewart (20)

Scout Taylor-Compton (21)

Alia Shawkat (21)

Riley Keough (21)

Riley Keough in the Bar None

Tatum O’Neal (46)

Tatum O’Neal in the Bar None

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed Review of IT’S COMPLICATED

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: David Bowie – Rebel, Rebel

[Press ‘Play’ to  Rebel while you peruse]

Ramblings: It’s Not That Complicated, Or Interesting

Final Proof: 1 Shot

You know how you go over to your best friend’s house and he’s not there but his mother is and she’s been sipping white wine most of the afternoon so she encourages you to wait on the living room sofa? She’s not all that attractive but you want to be polite and plus you got nothing else going on so you plop yourself down. She doesn’t offer you anything to drink and, fortunately, she doesn’t hit on you, which is also kind of a drag because all she does is keep refilling her glass and get all maudlin while she goes over the details of her divorce and the drunker she gets the more detail she goes into. You start to think maybe you shouldn’t have sat down because there’s not a whole hell of a lot to do and you could head off to the bar or hook up with another friend or pick up a six-pack and a couple Taco Bell Value Menus and hang out in a park. Anything’s gotta be better than listening to her maniacal giggling, right? That’s kinda the way it is with It’s Complicated.

i agreed to see It’s Complicated with Miss D because the reviews weren’t so bad, i thought i could use it as a bargainning chip to see Orphan with her (but she told me, after we saw the movie, that she’s ditching me for Orphan to hang out with a friend of hers) and i love trashing romantic-comedies.

It’s Complicated was no exception. i mean, we’re talking the same director who did The Holiday for chrissakes. There was some originality in the idea of it being a divorced couple, but that’s not enough to break the framework of romantic cronies that Nancy Meyers herself helped construct with Something’s Got To Give. Like rom-coms aren’t boring enough, they gotta make them with old people as well. Just because they got tons of  money to spend and no old fart movies to spend it on.

Man, just give me a six-pack and Taco Bell.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 0 Shots

It goes without saying that Maryl Streep does a solid job, but maybe the limitations of the role, or of the director, keep her from shining as brightly as she usually does.

Thankfully, the only partially undressed scene we get of her is a shot with her dress off her shoulder and one cup of her geriatric bra. Sure, she’s still handsome for a woman her age (60) but let’s get real.

On the brighter side, we get Lake Bell (30). Lake is cool. i liked how in some scenes it looked like god, after perfecting her boobs, got tired making her face halfway through and cut corners on her chin. It adds charm.

Zoe Kazan has a couple brief appearances as Gabby, the youngest daughter. Which means we got a 26-year-old playing an 18-year-old.

In the role of the oldest daughter, Lauren, we’re treated to a relative newcomer. Caitlin Fitzgerald has done a couple spots on series and minor roles (like “Young Woman” in Taking Woodstock) and though her role here is heftier, she carries it off with talent and grace, proving she’s ready to move onward and upward.

Caitlin Bein' Classy In The Bar None

To finish off, we get a couple Silken Butterflies, those beautiful visions that flit briefly across the screen in the break of a heart. A toast to their future successes.

Rosalie Ward as “Biltmore Reception Clerk”.

Here’s Marina Squerciati:

For Miss Demeanor (and the other babes in the Bar None), i came up with a couple shots for you, too.

Traditional sex symbol: Hunter Parrish (22)

Alternative sex symbol: John Krasinkski (30)

Drink: 2 Shots

Quite a few drink references, actually. For example, they couldn’t eat a freakin’ meal without corking at least one bottle of wine, usually white.

Also, the movie opens with a party and a champagne toast to anniversaries, plus there’s more champagne at a graduation lunch.

The reason i went all the way up to two shots, though, is because the pivotal moment of the movie is based in booze. Jane (Meryl Streep) and Jake (Alec Baldwin), a divorced couple, get back together again because they meet in a hotel bar and get trashed together. Jane starts off with a dry Tanqueray martini with twist before she and Jake pound at least three bottles of wine and top it off with a cognac. After they do the deed, and we get to see Alec Baldwin’s gorilla hairy chest in bed, Jane leans over and pukes in the nightstand. Then she goes to the bathroom to finish the recycling.

Tanqueray Martini With A Twist

Rock & Roll: 0 Shots

There are a couple parties with some real music (like the Bowie up top) and then we get stuff like Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers, “Don’t Do Me Like That”.

i’m not sure how much this qualifies as ‘rock’, but i know Miss Demeanor likes it and so someone else may, too.

Fine Young Cannibals – Good Thing

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: Nancy Meyers

Directed by: Nancy Meyers

Starring

Meryl Streep – Jane

Lake Bell – Agness

Caitlin Fitzgerald – Lauren

Zoe Kazan – Gabby

Rosalie Ward – Biltmore Reception Clerk

Marina Squerciati – Melanie

John Krasinski – Harley

Hunter Parrish – Luke

Alec Baldwin – Jake

Steve Martin – Adam

Bottom Line

Don’t see it. You might get chick flick points if you take a date, though.