Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of The Hurt Locker

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

From The Bar None Juice-Box: Music from the film.

Ministry

1. Fear (is big business)

2. Khyber Pass

3. Palestina

(Note all songs are from Ministry’s 2006 album Rio Grande Blood)

Ramblings: Explosive

Final Proof: 3 Shots

The Hurt Locker is intense from the instant the curtain rises. The first scene primes you with energy that’s explosive for the duration. Magnificently directed by Kathryn Bigelow, the movie never really sinks into those “War Is Hell” clichés, at least not very often, and also stays away from the politics of the Iraq conflict. The acting is as realistic as the action, so i guess the only thing that really left a bad taste in my mouth was a lack of direction.

You know how you go to the bar and drink until something happens ’cause if you drink long enough something surely will? Not here. The flick begins full throttle so has nowhere to go from there and i eventually got bored of the bomb disarming scenes. If that’s the story’s point, that war is repetitive, the characters should have been more blasé than they were at the the end.

When all is said and done, despite this solitary dud, Kathryn Bigelow’s obvious talent as a director makes The Hurt Locker a blast.

Buzz Kills (Watch out for spoilers)

Sex: 0 shots

The only woman in this whole thing is Evangeline Lilly (and if you’re only gonna have one, she’s a good one to have) but she’s only on screen for all of ninety seconds. Still, it’s a good enough excuse to look up pictures of her on the Net. [Note: the amount of space dedicated to her in this post is not representative of her screen time in the film.]

Drink: 1/2 shot

Only one scene. There’s rowdy male bonding over whiskey shots from the bottle in the barracks. You’d think a bomb squad would need more liquid down time. Jeebus, in M*A*S*H* they had a still in their tent and that was a tv show.

Rock & Roll: 4 Shots

Apart from some Ministry which we hear in the new guy’s room upon his arrival and more metal during the end credits, the real rock & roll in this film is the film itself. There’s enough of it in the film’s attitude to blow up your mental speakers. There’s a suicidal rebel leader, explosions, fighting, guns, shooting, killing, and balls to the wall intensity that rocks hard.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: Mark Boal

Directed by: Kathryn Bigelow

Starring

Jeremy Renner – SSgt William James

Anthony Mackie – Sgt J.T. Sandborn

Brian Geraghty – Spc Owen Eldridge

Also appearing like mirages in this movie are Guy Pearce and Ralph Fiennes.

Bottom Line

See it.

Famous People Know Me: An Open Letter To Gabrielle Chapin

From the Juice-Box, for Gabrielle Chapin:

A Picture BY (not OF) Gabrielle Chapin. (c) G.ChapinStudios

A Picture BY (not OF) Gabrielle Chapin. (c) G.ChapinStudios

Celebrities read my blog!

Last month i posted this review of The Final Destination (4), and in it i wrote about Gabrielle Chapin, an up and coming actress whose bits have a part in the film.

Here’s what i had to say about Ms Chapin:

On top of that, literally, there’s the token titty scene of a girl with her large-ish rack (here’s where you want 3D) bouncing on a guy, cowgirl style. What’s cool is, not only does the actress (Gabrielle Chapin) have to hide from her friends and family that she was in FD4, she also has to deny being credited ‘Girl On Top’. (i kid you not, check out imdb if you don’t believe me.)

Guess what–yesterday i received a comment from Ms Chapin herself! You can check it out at the bottom of the post, or you can read it here:

Dear Blogger –
Your claims as to my “hiding” from friends and family that I played a role in FD4 are inaccurate and I would greatly appreciate it if you would remove that from your blog. Also, never have I denied that I was credited “Girl On Top”, as this credit allows people to properly identify who plays that character. Thanks for the extra publicity, despite it being incorrect. I do appreciate you telling everyone that the “large-ish” rack is why they want 3D glasses, lol…it is quite an experience to see.

Respectfully,
Gabrielle Chapin

i would now like to address Ms Chapin personally.

Gabrielle [can i call you Gabrielle?],

Let me begin by welcoming you to The Bar None. It is an honor to to be graced by the presence of such an attractive and sincere young lady and you do more for the decoration of this place than even the Velvet Elvis poster over the Juice-Box. Your visit makes you an honorary member of D.R.I.N.K.E.R. and full membership is available on request.

i’d also like to thank you for taking the time to write me concerning my review of The Final Destination (4) and for being so polite when bringing to my attention the issues you had with my review. It would have been easy to rant on and on about how callous i can be, and the reserve you demonstrated indicates a lot of class on your part.

i’m touched you called me ‘Dear’ but next time you drop in, please feel free to call Me “Al”. “Blogger” sounds so distant, y’know?

As per your request, i have edited my original post to read “The actress (Gabrielle Chapin) is so much better than the rest of the movie and is credited as ‘Girl On Top’. (i kid you not, check out imdb if you don’t believe me.) Someone of her natural charm deserves a more appropriate description; i’m thinking “Sweet & Sexy Girl On Top” or “Charming and Talented Girl On Top”.”

i hope you didn’t misunderstand my original intention, however. When i said you had to hide the fact that you were in FD4, i meant that 1) the movie wasn’t very good despite your dazzling appearance, and 2) being known as ‘Girl On Top’ isn’t terribly flattering. What i’d written was also tongue in cheek. i didn’t mean to denigrate you or to imply you had a reason to be ashamed. My apologies for not being clearer about that in the first draft.

i was glad to learn you weren’t offended by my comment about your “large-ish’ rack”. The remark could have been interpreted as sexist, so i’d like you to know i have changed that as well. It now reads, “a girl with the large rack”. 😉

You are also more than welcome concerning the extra publicity. As you see, i have included pictures of you here to help spread the word. Please feel free to send any other pictures you have that you would like published on the net, i’d be more than happy to help in any way i could.

In closing, i wish you the best of luck in your acting career and your photographic aspirations. You are a very talented young lady and it’s been a pleasure communicating with you.

Respectfully,

Al K Hall

Click here to read my exclusive interview (with photos) of Gabrielle Chapin.